


The Burrito Disaster

by dancefantasy



Category: NCIS
Genre: Bad Jokes, F/M, Fluff, Pointless, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancefantasy/pseuds/dancefantasy
Summary: I've only "watched" two episodes, so I really have no authority to write this fanfic. Regardless, I had to (I partially blame my sister for that). I probably have a lot of things wrong, but this IS loosely based on something extremely minor, so I'm not a total nut. Actually I am, because I started writing a story for these characters the same day that I learned about them. But I digress. Enjoy.
Relationships: Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	The Burrito Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> I've only "watched" two episodes, so I really have no authority to write this fanfic. Regardless, I had to (I partially blame my sister for that). I probably have a lot of things wrong, but this IS loosely based on something extremely minor, so I'm not a total nut. Actually I am, because I started writing a story for these characters the same day that I learned about them. But I digress. Enjoy.

"Bean burrito?" Tony asked Ziva as he saw her put her lunch into the breakroom microwave. Anytime he saw a microwave, he always had to say something about bean burritos. It was just part of being Anthony DiNozzo; he couldn't control it. But while his ongoing microwave "joke" was usually completely unrelated to anything going on, this time it was finally relevant.

"Yes, actually," Ziva answered. 

Pleasantly surprised by his apparent clairvoyance, Tony gasped. "Well, I hope you got an extra for me! If it's a good one. Just beans? Any steak or chicken?"

"Only vegetables. Not every meal needs meat."

"Really? Because you know what they say -- vegetarian food is a big missed-steak!" Ziva looked at him blankly, so Tony began to try and explain the pun.

She quickly cut him off. "I understood your joke, Tony. It was not funny."

"...Oh." That was a disappointing response. Tony wasn't sure why he cared so much, but anytime he failed to impress Ziva, he felt like less of a man or something. He needed to fix things and prove he wasn't a loser. Usually this came in the form of brags about his past feats, but that never worked with Ziva. He'd have to come up with something else, fast.

Ziva ignored his sudden change in demeanor, even if it was incredibly strange for him to be so quiet. Her lunch was done cooking; that was more interesting than Tony. But as she went to grab it, she was surprised by how hot the plate had become. "Ouch! That is hot. Is there an oven hand here?"

"Oven mitt," Tony politely corrected before being struck by an idea. This was the perfect opportunity to improve his image after that dumb pun. "But you don't need one! I'll get it for you."

"No, Tony, you will hurt your hands--"

Tony ignored Ziva's protest. He was a cool guy, and cool guys didn't get their hands burned. That's what he liked to think, anyway. And sometimes Anthony DiNozzo's thoughts did not reflect reality.

He tried his best to hold onto the flaming-hot plate as he carried it to the table for Ziva, but his fingers could only take so much pain before automatically ejecting the dish from his hands in protest. The plate flew into the air and hit Tony in the face on the way up. Consequently, Tony unceremoniously fell to the floor as hot beans and pieces of tortilla rained down upon his body. He moaned in suffering, unmoving to accept his fate as an epic disaster.  
  
Ziva would have laughed at how slapstick it all was if she hadn't felt bad for him. Covering her mouth in shock, she knelt beside his almost corpse-like body. "Tony, Tony, Tony..." she sighed as she looked down at his sorry state. "How can such an excellent agent be such a mess in the kitchen?"

He opened one eye to look at her. "I'm an excellent agent?" he asked, seeming very happy to hear such words from Ziva.

"Yes, if you're investigating crime instead of microwaves," she replied, nearly giving in to that laughter from the absurdity of everything. And even though he had ruined her burrito and she could have been mad at him, she pitied Tony and tried to help wipe some of the mess off of his face with a napkin.

"I want to be clear, that was the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen," he told Ziva as he propped himself up on his elbows, accepting her assistance. He hoped her opinion of him hadn't been completely ruined. "I've got to make it up to you. How about I buy you lunch?"  
  
"That sounds better than eating what is left on your clothes," she agreed, gesturing towards the assortment of burrito fillings that were staining his suit. "I would appreciate that, Tony."

Tony smiled. Those words reassured him that she didn't think completely horribly of him despite his failures. "Then it's a date. After I go see if McGee has a spare shirt, of course."

"First, can you promise you will not be so reckless again?"

"Well, I can't _promise._ But I'll try. For you, Ziva," he answered dramatically.

That theatrical response didn't seem fully appropriate for a co-worker that should be feeling incredibly guilty at the moment. Though Ziva was patient with Tony's antics, she thought he was beginning to push the limit of friendliness for having just ruined her lunch plans. "The only thing I want from you, Tony, is a refund. Hurry and clean yourself. I will be waiting." She tossed the napkin to him before leaving to give him some space.

At least Ziva didn't seem to mind too much about the trouble he had caused if she was willing to go grab food with him, Tony thought. But the biggest thought in his mind was that Tony wasn't sure he ever wanted to say his dumb microwaved bean burrito joke ever again. He never wanted to remember this embarrassing scene, even if it was surprisingly nice to have Ziva help him in those short moments. Tony didn't like to admit it, but he was oddly fond of her.

He'd find a better way to impress Ziva in the future. Just nothing involving burning his fingers and beans in his hair.


End file.
